Dear Amy: I love to cook, and have been cooking for family, friends and neighbors, mostly as a way of thanking them for a favor or for extra help with an errand. (I’m handicapped and unable to get out much.)
One friend of over 50 years has been a guest in my home numerous times over the years and has taken home many leftovers.
I recently mentioned that I was making dinner for a neighbor.
She asked what was on the menu and I told her. Her response: “That sounds disgusting! Yuck!,” followed by a gagging sound!
Needless to say, I was hurt, insulted and shocked, and told her so!
She did not apologize or try to make amends for her remarks.
Since then, I have been having a hard time speaking to her.
She had the nerve to ask when we would be getting together again! I cook good, tasty and flavorful dishes and to even suggest that I would make something “disgusting” was an insult of major proportions.
She has always been outspoken, but this time she went too far.
Do I ignore her rudeness, demand an apology, or blow off a 50-year friendship?
– Good Cook with Bad Friend!
Dear Good Cook: You already served up an appropriately spicy rejoinder to your friend’s rudeness, and your honest reaction in the moment seems proportional to the offense.
The choices you offer yourself now, however, are too limited.
Don’t ignore, demand, or blow off this friendship just yet.
Consider a “follow up.” You might start by saying, “I want you to know that I’m still really bothered by your reaction to this. I’m also hurt that you haven’t apologized.”
If your friend wants to continue in a close relationship with you, she will drop whatever pose she is maintaining and dial in to your feelings.
If she acknowledges her behavior and apologizes, then you must do the work of forgiving her in order to move on.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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