DEAR ABBY: Somehow I became the go-to person for everyone in my family -- siblings as well as parents. I have the means, and for decades, I have been happy to help. I recently lost a brother, and I assumed the people I’ve been there for would be there to support ME.
Abby, they ALL failed. Two didn’t show up at all, and two came and left so fast my head spun. It was a two-part ceremony. My gathering was the first. I was so hurt I didn’t want to go to the second gathering, but I wanted to honor my brother, so I went. Bad decision. My deceased brother had one enemy, and that person was invited to speak and ruined it ALL for me.
My husband was so upset he told my family off and said that I had been crying for days. No one cared enough to contact me to clear things up. Instead, they doubled down and called me selfish for needing them to be there for me.
Now I’m hurt and upset, and I have no family to turn to. Honestly, it’s nothing new, but I think I’m so hurt because I feel this is the end of family functions forever. What do you think? -- FULL OF EMOTION
DEAR FULL: I am sorry for your loss. Because you have been the family rescuer and in return were treated with disrespect and indifference, you have every right to be upset. I hope that in the future you will begin to develop relationships with people who show some reciprocity. Because you appear to come from a family of “takers,” enlarging your circle will give you a better chance of having healthier (not to mention more rewarding) relationships. PLEASE consider it.
Stories by Abigail Van Buren
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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