DEAR ABBY: My brother and I were very close while growing up. But when he got into drugs as a teen, he started doing things I could not support, so we drifted apart. I never wanted to believe that he would do me harm, but I have finally had to admit to myself that he’s the one who stole my treasured, irreplaceable jewelry and sold it for drug money.
He has been in recovery for nearly 30 years and has apologized to everyone -- except me. He may not remember, or may not want to remember, how deeply he hurt me. How do I continue to see him at family gatherings when I’m so disgusted with him that I won’t speak to him? It’s not a matter of taking him aside and telling him this; he would just attack. Should I just stop going to family gatherings? -- SADDENED SISTER IN CANADA
DEAR SISTER: Your brother may have been in recovery for the last 30 years, but the behavior you describe is not that of a well man. Please do not cut yourself off from the family gatherings, and resist the urge to confront him, which you know won’t bring you the satisfaction you want or end well. Keep your distance, occupy yourself with the relatives with whom you are close, be polite and ignore him as much as you can.
Stories by Abigail Van Buren
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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