Ask Amy: Husband’s excessive after-work socializing raises concerns

Dear Amy: My husband and I have a toddler, and I’m pregnant with our second child.

My husband works in a challenging industry and sometimes he works long hours. Occasionally he attends after-work events, as he claims he needs to do this to advance at his job.

I understand all of this and see how it can be important to socialize with colleagues or clients. However, he has been going out much more lately, and it is seriously disruptive to our family’s life. I am essentially on my own at home, while he comes and goes.

Last week he went out after work and when I woke up with our toddler at 3 a.m., I saw that he still wasn’t home.

I called him and asked him to come home, and he did.

Now he is acting like I owe him an apology for interfering with his social life. I am starting to worry about our future as a family.

I guess I need a second opinion.

— Worried

Dear Worried: My opinion is that your husband is behaving like a man who really does not want to be home, and he is using his job to justify his failings as a husband and father.

There is no valid reason for him to be out at 3 a.m., and you should not have to “ask” him to come home. Furthermore, you do not owe him an apology.

He needs to grow up, and for your family’s sake — I hope he does.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

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